Saturday, July 3, 2010

Swaying

Me…..?
Is that you?
I thought I heard you sighing.
There was a time when I was just me, and me was I. The mirrors cast their reflections and now, I can’t hear my voice through the thousand echoes distorting my vision. And I’m only seeing damage.
I wish I felt guilty to stop. But when I’m this, I’m someone else. And there I am, lost between the shadows. Can you hear me? Please say no.
The faces fleet through the empty rooms, and through the holes in my cranium, I see them. My head falls back and the spider webs are woven upon my eyes. Blindness gives me more freedom to see what I want.
Don’t ever think you are virtuous, beneath the white thick covers, black is always lurking. Black is always there.
You asked me once why I’m sad. I hid my nakedness through a false sheepish smile using the usual excuse of, “I just didn’t have enough sleep last night.” You easily buy this. You know why? Because I and you are only slaves to rules; beneath your white, you couldn’t care less for me. And beneath the smile, I shouldn’t have lied. I’m sad because it’s easier to be sad. Gravity pulls me towards my gloomy core and I give in to it. And why should I fight?  Tell me now, why should I?
I searched for home and found it everywhere only because I’m in it.  I can’t be outside my skin and ......I can't stop hating it

18 comments:

Brian Miller said...

together yet so far apart. it is good to have a home inside yourself...but sometime you do have to let the 'right' person in..

Katherine said...

Being inside ones self can feel safe because I can remember this feeling well.
But just as Brian so eloquently said...letting the 'right'person in to share what's inside of you can take some of the darkness away, at least this was my experience.

Sam Liu said...

Wonderful writing, Maha, whenever I read a piece of yours, I always strive to take my time and fully absorb the profound thoughts you express in your beautiful words and metaphors. It is always a joy, and I agree with Brian and Katherine, introversion has always been my way, but I suppose true love is the ability to allow another soul reach one's own.

Eva said...

So many parts of this left me speechless. Accepting oneself and finding our place is something I am still trying to understand myself.

"Blindness gives me more freedom to see what I want"

This was my favorite line because it hit so close to home. Sometimes being blind is easy because then we don't have to accept the truth.

Peter Stone said...

Very haunting, Maha, especially liked the part about how black is always lurking, even when hidden by a thick white facade.
As to surrendering to the gloom, I think that fighting it and finding the light is a fight worth fighting.

bard said...

Fantastic writing! I will have to re-read it a few times for it all to sink in...

Oddyoddyo13 said...

This was hard to read because I can relate to so much of it-truths I'd rather not face.

Its okay to see...its okay to let people in. We just forget that sometimes.

margg. said...

you never cease to amaze me.
beautiful.
xo

Desert Rose said...

felt every word.Am there too.loved it Maha!just MOVED.

Kay said...

"I'm sad because it's easier to be sad"

so true. so much easier to hide what is going on inside, false pretenses and fake smiles.

would anyone else ever really understand? comprehend?

beautifully placed words, as always.

joanny said...

Beautifully said and so many of us struggle with being comfortable in our own skin from various times in our life.

I have learned to love again and again and again .... letting go and trusting your judgment of others and sharing our inner most thoughts is a freeing feeling.

Lovely and profound.
Joanny

joanny said...

Beautifully said and so many of us struggle with being comfortable in our own skin from various times in our life.

I have learned to love again and again and again .... letting go and trusting your judgment of others and sharing our inner most thoughts is a freeing feeling.

Lovely and profound.
Joanny

Mr. Stupid said...

This was amazing, Maha. I couldn't have said it better than Brian and Katherine. Its always safe being inside ones self. Though, that can be a struggle at times.
Beautiful writing!

Marinela Reka said...

Beautiful writing, haunting and creative story.
Short Poems

Tamarind~ said...

How profound! From verses to prose?

Dulce said...

I can so easily say 'C'mon Cheer up, Stay strong, and blah blah'. And I can ask you' How are you?' And you say 'I am fine..'. Because you cannot say what you saw in the mirror when you woke up this morning

I guess that's what happens to all of us, but we go on by pretending everything's fine.

Yet, that darkness is somehow full of light if you happen to be able t0 express it this way...

D.

sheri said...

i revel in your ability to speak the words that make you vulnerable, but then, not to speak them would be worse yet. you set yourself up to be critiqued and even reprimanded but if what you offer is truly 'you' then we will embrace you in it and hope with you that you will becoming able to trust enough to let the light in, my dear maha...

Jingle said...

exciting writing.
you got me from the first sentence...