Sunday, November 29, 2009

Ghost of the Dawn

I don't wanna go and waste my time fighting in a losing battle. I know that the language of feelings can never be interpreted or translated, so why am I trying  so hard to put into words?  it's just so overwhelming, so beautiful that I find myself tongue-tied. I'll simply go, close my eyes and hold on to it for as long as possible. I'll store it somewhere in my heart where what it remains, a mere memory. A memory that is a pale version of a colorful drawing, but at least it will be easier for me to get a grip on it. Not the opposite.

Memories....they are my greatest pleasures, my greatest sufferings. Sometimes, I find my legs running as fast as my energy allows, escaping the pain of a memory that its wound has yet to heal. Sometimes, they pass before my eyes like flashes of light. But a bullet can be fast as well. Sometimes, I'm the one who chases them, with the wish of having the ability of turning be the hands of time in my heart.

One day, I'll be a memory too.

I'll sure be remembered for a while. But for how long?  A year, two? Will my memory, the only remaining part of me, be lost in the mists of time? Will i be like the moon in the dawn? So radiate and beautiful in its night hours and then the sun shines and it becomes a mere ghost of what it once was. Will I be a ghost? Or worse, will I be forgotten? 


Friday, November 20, 2009

New Eyes

P.S. This article was originally written for a magazine, but to me it's more than that, it's the way i  see life

 A truth no one shall ever deny is that problems are something nobody is immune against. The one thing that may differ from a person to another is the way he deals with them. Some may cry their hearts out, sitting in a dark corner and filling their heads with remorse and regret for what's already gone, completely neglecting the fact that we can never turn back the hands of time to set  things right. Some are very practical so they go on endeavoring to fix what can be fixed, and others just run away from their problems by avoiding thinking of them.


In those three cases we do experience the bitterness of sorrow and grief though the intensity may differ, yet we all experience them. If we look for the reason why, we will find it's in ourselves. We either make ourselves happy or miserable; the amount of the work is the same. So here we could identify the problem and found the cause the only thing missing is the solution.


We must look at things with new eyes and see beyond what's visible. To make what I mean clear let's have an example. Suppose you are the most popular girl/boy at school, you have tons of friends whom you love and care for the most and then, out of the blue you find yourself obliged to move to a new school in a new town and lose all your friends, what would be your reaction? I am quite sure that even in your imagination you find yourself angry, outraged and completely furious. Now let's take a look at your life in school has the moving decision never been taken.  It's the beginning of the year, as usual all the eyes are directed towards you, you are still so popular and still so loved.  but then a much more charismatic girl/boy comes to your school and you find yourself completely abandoned by those whom you once thought were your best friends. Moreover, as a former popular kid the new one who has taken your place does his best trying to make you hated by everyone as to destroy every possible chance that  you might gain your place again. Having to go to school would be a nightmare that you have to go through every single day to that you wish from the bottom of your heart you could move to a new school!


What you saw as a curse one day now turned out to be the best thing. In the first case you are confronted with the change with out knowing what is to happen to you if you stay, thus you feel that it's a very bad decision as you think that happiness you have now is ever lasting. That is because you always look at things which lie right in front of you. You bear this inner belief that what you don't have is always the best but As a matter of fact what God chooses really is the best. His wisdom is not to be understood by any of us ignorant human beings for it's way too hard for any mind to conceive. The only one thing that we can do is to have absolute faith in that and look at things with brand new eyes. Don't see what you face of troubles in your life as enemies that to hinder you from achieving what you want, they aim, but see them as disguised gifts. I have a certain belief that on first born we are like pieces of iron found in nature with no definite shape. It's what we go through from hard experiences that   form us and make us the people we are. As they say: what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.   









My very first award!

Ok, so today I was checking my blog and I found out that I'd won an award! What made quite special that this was my very first award and i would like to thank God for it.
Now i'm supposed to nominate seven other bloggers. The choice was not hard, I already had them in mind

I've been reading this blog long before I started blogging myself and all I can say is that it's truly beautiful.
The first time I checked this blog, I was literally mesmerized. The poems are so deep and touching.
I really like the blogs where the daily life of people is told, they are not my favorites though. This blog is one of the few exceptions. Maia and Lara are the sweetest girls I've ever seen!
An Egyptian rebellion exposed!
I really believe that so much effort is put into this blog.
The style is amazing!!
I'm pretty sure this is like the millionth award for this blog to win, but I just couldn't help it, I really love it!!

That's it! Congratulations everybody! Now you should copy the award to your blog and nominate seven other bloggers.
Special thanks to Lauren for giving me this awesome award and for my favorite follower  Nahla for her comments and continuous encouragement, I really appreciate it.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

A Lullaby

I have every reason to be angry, and yet, no reason at all. On recollecting the events of the day, there hardly seems to be anything that could provoke me, which makes me have second thoughts about the power of one thought when it resolves on taking over a mind.

Reality is always harsh. It's always cruel that at times, I feel as though I'm suffocating, as though I'm locked up in a room and no matter how hard I search, I'll not find the way out. The room has no doors. My body gives in. My head doesn't. It keeps on praying for a miracle, for a prince-charming to break the spell, or for a fairy before the clock strikes twelve. Nothing of that happens, and yet I dream.

Dreams are harmless, I always thought. But when you look back to find a million sandcastles the winds had blown, it hurts. Isn't that funny, I got so many big, big dreams, and have absolute faith in myself and when it comes to something almost everybody has, something as simple as the sense of belonging, I am helpless.

I always felt misplaced, a lost moon, hoping to be in the right way to its planet, fearing that it's always  been there and never realized that. I am in a state of denial. 

When I look at a house, a building where people live is not what I see. I see hands putting brick over the other, I see sand put in machines to create the bricks, and I see legs walking over the sand. Maybe these legs are the very same legs walking inside the house right now. Maybe places and people have always had a connection without ever knowing it.

I love thinking where everything begins, connecting irrelevant things to reach the same result, guessing what connection I may have with the person in front of me. Somewhere between the day i first opened my eyes to life and this moment, I became me. It's impossible to trace the change, impossible to know where it first began. I compare myself to a photo taken of the 9 year-old me, the childish innocence no longer exists in my eyes, my face got an edge, and the tiny freckles on my nose linger still in their place. How come i never noticed that before?

Yes, there are things in this life that you can't explain. Like the change you can never trace even though it happens before your eyes, or the baby who only sleeps when a lullaby is sung in his ears. A lullaby that is too hard for his mind to understand. But just like you and I, this baby has a heart that became well aware of feelings the moment it started beating. Maybe life is as simple as a lullaby and I'm the one making it complicated. Maybe I should turn a deaf ear to the world, close my eyes, and open my heart. Maybe I should stop thinking. But I can't. I know I can't. Thoughts to me are like an addiction. Even though I know how much they can hurt me, I'm not willing to give them up.


Friday, November 6, 2009

Wings of the Butterfly

I want to shut my ears to all the voices, except for one, the voice of insanity, because to me, right now, sanity doesn't make any kinda sense.

I trace the white spots splattered on the plain blue background. They can be horses,hearts,dragons,lovers, but at the end they are all clouds. I want to know how they feel, i always imagined them like cotton candy, perhaps because they look alike.

I wanna decode the mystery of me, I always wanted to do so, but whenever I try, I find myself drowning in an ocean with no bottom, and every time I think I found a shore, I sink even more. Isn't that ironic, with your eyes you can see everybody, but it takes another pair of eyes to see you.

How I wish to see myself! I want to have a third invisible eye maybe. Not just that, I want to be a mind-reader, but I can't, I know I can't. These are not the only things I'll never be able to do, there's another dozen.

For one day I want to be under somebody's skin, see the world through his eyes, hear it through his ears, and feel it through his heart. Will it be the same? Perhaps my vision will be altered, maybe each and every one of us sees different colors, yet we all think we are the same. I guess I'll never know.

When I walk in the street, I pass tens and tens of people by; to me they are just passers by, as I am to them. Beyond all that, they are....... they have, stories of joy and misery, of happiness and pain, like me. I want to learn their stories; I want to see through them.

I want my life to have theme songs that fit every situation. It'll make it feel more like a movie. i want my life to be a movie, but it'll not do it justice. How are fourteen years gonna be shrunk to two hours?!

Oh, now i know what I am. I'm not an ocean. I have hundreds of beautiful, shiny colors spread all over me, but when someone gets closer to touch them, I fly away, nobody must know how fragile I can be. I am the wings of the butterfly.

 Misguided Ghosts by Paramore
i'm going away for a while 
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me 
'cause I'll return as soon as possible 
See I'm trying to find my place 
But it might not be here where I feel safe 
We all learn to make mistakes 

And run 
From them, from them 
With no direction 
We'll run from them, from them 
With no conviction 

Cause I'm just one of those ghosts 
Traveling endlessly 
Don't need no road 
In fact they follow me 
And we just go in circles 

But now I'm told that this is life 
And pain is just a simple compromise 
So we can get what we want out of it 

Would someone care to classify, 
A broken hearts and twisted minds 
So I can find someone to rely on 

And run 
To them, to them 
Full speed ahead 
Oh you are not 
We are just 

Misguided ghosts 
Traveling endlessly 
The ones we trusted the most 
Pushed us far away 
And there's no one road 
And we should not be the same 
But I'm just a ghost 
And still they echo me 

They echo me in circles