Friday, August 6, 2010

Hard Velvet



The skin hung down your bony fingers, making them look big if compared to the re rest of your arm. You shook those hands with me and all I could notice then was my soul creeping from the rest of my body and hanging at my fingertips extending that one second in the time of my senses. For a moment, all that could be heard was that pesky noise as three of us settled ourselves into the chairs. It was just the way I liked it, the restaurant, with the huge walls painted beige and decorated with the life of the 18h century hanging on them into the frames of drawings not quite capable of restraining them from spreading the feeling of those old times to fly in the air  as we, a young wife who three years ago only saw this place in her dreams, a husband who  owned enough money to pave his street in gold and a bachelor who had no plans in life other than staying as a bachelor.
      We talked. The two of you discussing things I could only understand few words in, still, I attentively heard and smiled quite foolishly every time you made a smart comment. Once, you looked at me and caught me looking at you and the only I thing I could do was looking at my golden watch; it had become a reflex reaction to your eyes, running away from them as they had eerie effects on every beat of my heart. I stole a glance again and your eyes had still maintained their position. Chagrinned, I fidgeted in my seat and tapped with my fingers on the table, then, rushed to the bathroom fighting that intoxicating impulse to look back at you.
   When I came back, a glass of wine was between your hands as you raised them quite eloquently rendering it weightless while suggesting to ask me about a matter you two had disagreed about. Every part of me burnt to know it and abruptly, all the intelligent stuff I managed to read in newspapers while imagining I was discussing them with you jumbled in my mind and then, I could feel cold sweat breaking into my forehead. I never r got  o know the matter. His sarcastic smile that had killed every beautiful thing in my life stretched upon his ugly lips censoring you for asking me, about such a clever thing. He laughed. His laughter was caught up between the atoms of air as every shade of it kept on echoing back and forth. I wanted to silence it. I wanted to fling one of those stained silver forks into his throat. I wanted dig his heart out so that he would never be again. But I stood, helpless. After he  stopped, a tear escaped my eyes. But no glance of you went my way. I went again to the bathroom and looking back, you apparently did not notice my absence. With a heavy heart and light, quick steps, I entered and looked at that shiny reflection of a doll who had sold her soul. I cried. I remembered you and a glimpse of hope lightened within my dim entity to be put off again; you didn’t even notice me in there. I cried even harder. And seeing how that made me cry, like  the whole of my being was only weighted by a move from your eyes, a twitch from your fingers, a word from your tongue, I realized how pathetic I was. But I couldn’t but love you.

10 comments:

RA said...

I felt every word...

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Amazing how some things are so heartbreaking, but so hard to let go.

Magpie said...

"...decorated with the life of the 18h century hanging on them into the frames of drawings not quite capable of restraining them from spreading the feeling of those old times to fly in the air..." what an amazing line. This was wonderfully done, Maha. The title caught my attention right from the beginning. You expressed yourself so well, that my heartbeat quickened with the woman in your story. Beautiful!

Sam Liu said...

Profound, tragic...the sort of writing that stirs the soul, evokes deeply felt emotions. You astound, Maha, as ever.

dulce said...

Pathetic... that's how love goes so often.
I love every dingle detail of such scene..
Great write!

sheri said...

oh maha, this was perfection! amazing how the conversation between the two of them never noticed the pain, the depth of sorrow, nor the yearning.
your insight is amazing and you've captured the brevity of the moment flawlessly, my friend!

Claudia said...

Beautiful, heart-touching write Maha!
Have a great weekend!

Brian Miller said...

smiles.
you create a depth of feeling that we so easily slip into maha...your rich descriptions as wel...the pull of the soul to the hand...

Tabor said...

Maha, in answer to you question I used a zoom lens on the butterflies. Although sometimes I can get quite close with a regular lens.

Expression of the mind said...

I really loved it, Maha:). You're really good with words. I support your choice of words, truly intriguing, masha-allah.

I would really love to read a post for you, projecting issues that pertain to self-development.

You can use your AMAZING ability to choose words with subtlety in conveying the most profound concepts of all.

Masha-allah, you're really talented. May every comment bump gently into your self-esteem. May these words enhance you, spur you on writing with a robust passion.

Thank you for rendering such a fine mental product :).