It lingers somewhere in my heart. My heart beats. Blood runs in my veins. And now it's running in my blood. It's all over my body. I can feel it constructing its shield over my existence to block any other feeling but itself. The shield has holes created and widened by time. In a couple of hours I'll be back to my old self again. But I can't take it. It's torturing me.
It all started with a thought, popping up in my mind. This thought overpowered my heart and created the feeling torturing me now . It always happens at the wrong times.
Amidst the crowds, I feel lonely.
During the few moments of happiness, I hold back my tears.
And now, though my lungs breathe still, I'm suffocating.
I lose things all the time. I stare at objects for hours and when I'm recalled to this world, I find myself having no remembrance of the thing I was staring at. People call this thoughtlessness, but I call it thoughtfulness. This is what thoughts do to me; they detach my mind from the rest of my body for it's too small to allow them all in. They leave me, body here, and mind elsewhere.
Time and place no longer matter.
I always though it would be nice for me to have an on and off button for my mind, to control the thoughts that possess every single cell in my body. But, would I take it?
I hate silence. I hate having the ticking of the clock as the only sound in the room. I always have music in the background. But if the loudest of all voices was silenced, would I take it?
Life with you is torture
Life without you is death.